Dulcius Ex Asperis

Lookie, Lookie, Lookie......

2010-04-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

Seriously, my blog is getting neglected.

Let's see, where am I in life? Things feel good right now. I'm surrounding myself with great people, meeting new friends, and carving others out of my life. I'm making positive strides of breaking away from my "normal schedule." I've bought a new car, the Audi A5, which I love; however, there is some guilt in my giving up on the Honda. Oh, and I planted a garden on the roof top of the townhouse I'm living in. Let's see if m thumb is green.

In one week I go to Mexico. You can't imagine how excited I am about a vacation. Relaxation is in order and I'm going to have double helping of it!

Then there is work. Things are moving along. My client has renegotiated our contract and I can feel the change already. They are trying to do my job but when they ask me questions or need me to provide them with anything, it will cost them more. Basically, we are working hand in hand with my client but getting paid all the same. Where do I think this will eventually end up? Well, I expect our client will eventually phase us out. That process will take time but, in the meantime, we continue to pick up new clients. It's amazing, since the time I started, we have gone from 1 client to over 70.

You may be asking what I expect over the remainder of the year? I want the Assistant Vice President position. Actually, I'm counting on getting that mid-year. If it doesn't happen then I won't worry. I will be disappointed but I won't worry.

So, that's where I am these days. Fingers crossed things go to plan over the next few months.

All I Got To Say....

2009-11-30T06:11:00.000-08:00

There are some crazy ass bitches out there!

Had dinner with this bitter old queen last night. There are few moments in my life were I've felt I want to walk out of a situation. This person repulsed me. I felt so gross sitting in his house. When I left, he gave me some food in a plastic bag. I drove home and stopped by a dumpster down the street. I didn't want that shit near my house.

One a side note.... I have identified some problems in my life, verbalized them, and am now ready to seek help.

Here I am!

2009-11-19T10:46:00.000-08:00

Yet again, it's been a while. I can't blame my absence on work this time since I've been bored to tears lately. I've been lazy and forget about my blog.

So, here's what happened....I turned 30. My trip to Chicago got canceled but there will be other trips.

I've had a couple dates, some were good (well, I thought they were) and some were miserable (the constant texter). Honestly, I'm getting tired of being single. Yes, maybe I need to re-evaluate the people I go after, or change my venues. Granted, I have been better and met people outside of the bar, unfortunately, nothing has happened with those people.

I've recently felt I've lost my passion for my job. I used to love coming to work everyday and getting something accomplished. These days all I seem to do is beat my head against the wall. I'm supposed to get a new portfolio but I'm not sure I like my new boss and I've been kept in the dark about any developments with the business line. I'll wait until the new year and possibly start looking for other employment.

Enough grumbling. I'm going to push to the end of the year. Here's hoping I get a nice bonus, raise, and a bf.

2009-07-23T06:33:00.000-07:00

Stress, that's all that comes to mind lately. Following the firing of a co-worker of mine, my work load has significantly increased. My portfolio more than doubled and trying to get up to speed on each deal has been a challenge. One deal is a securitization and dealing with the Trust, note holders, and interpreting the Pooling and Servicing Agreement, Co-Lender Agreement, and Intercreditor Agreement has been mind blowing. I sit at my desk trying to figure it all out. Sometimes I think that I'm not smart enough to understand this complex structure but, luckily, my co-workers reassure me that it's not me, it's the nature of these types of deals.

Enough of work. So, I've gotten into the habit of going to the gym everyday. It's strange how I used to be afraid of it. I used to think I wasn't cool enough to work out in a gym or people would laugh at me. Funny enough, I feel comfortable there. I see the same people working out and, even though we don't talk to each other, I feel like we all have this gym connection.

Now for the big news, I'm 30 days away from turning 30. I think what I'll do to celebrate is to invite my sister and family to my place to have dinner. I'll cook and just relax with them. I was to ease into 30 gracefully.

Anyway, back to work.

2009 halfway over

2009-07-06T14:33:00.000-07:00

And I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed. Let's see if I can make it to the end of the year.

It took 3000 years of history to bring me back to reality

2009-06-25T14:16:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, yes I know. I've been having the typical ups and downs and blogging has been put on the back burner.

To catch up:

Egypt, best trip of my life. I'm sitting in my office looking at the picture of myself in front of the pyramids and I still can't believe I've been there. Seems like a dream. But, I know, deep down inside, I've been to Egypt and fulfilled my number one life goal. Some would say the highlight of a trip like this would be to walk among the pyramids and go inside, well, not exactly for me. Granted, I thought that would be the highlight but two things stand out more. The first would be standing on top of the cruise ship with my parents at night, sailing down the Nile, and hearing the call to prayer in the distance. The second would be sailing in a felluca in Aswan and watching the Nubian children ride along the side of the boat singing, hoping to get a tip for their talents. Those two things really define the trip for me. It's not about what you expect out of the trip but the unexpected things that make the trip memorable.

I was really fortunate to spend time with my parents. I haven't had time alone with them for ages and this trip reminded me how much I love them. At the beginning of the trip I was tense from work, life in general. By the end of the trip, I had learned to relax again and stop worrying. Egypt and my parents opened my eyes again and I'm grateful for that.

So, you may be asking what were the negatives about the trip? There is one negative, I need to chose a new life goal.

Around the world and back again

2009-05-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, it has been some time since I've blogged. Work has kept me busy/stressed and finding time to blog has been exceptionally difficult.

Anyway, I recently performed a whirlwind trip to London. Let's just say, it ROCKED! I had so much fun. In typical fashion, T and I went about our merry way with drinking and debauchery. Pubs, clubs, and late night fast food were our focus, which we achieved all of the above. Weekend trips to London are highly recommended and I will be done more of those in the future.

Lately I haven't been motivated to go out in Atlanta. This may be due to my work schedule but I think London snapped me out of my funk. I've changed my thinking on a number of things, one of them being, I've decided not to buy a house anytime soon. The thought of being stuck in any one location with a mortgage scares me. I love my freedom, I love having choices. That and I still hold out hope that I will one day move to London.

We'll see where this goes.

Life moves on

2009-03-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. Well, there is a reason for that, life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I have one, I'm just saying that sometimes life keeps us from doing the things we enjoy.

Lately my life seems to revolve around work. I've put in a lifetime of hours in the past three weeks. Weekends are no longer mine, my life belonged to the job. Hey, this is the world we live in. Needless to say, through all the stress and strenuous hours, I still love my job.

So, tonight I decided to stay in. No bars, clubs, dinner out. It's me, my bird, and a movie. I've enjoyed the night to no end. Laying on the couch looking at the fresh flowers I bought yesterday. For the record, March is the only month I buy flowers. There is a reason behind it and that reason will only be known to me.

Favorite quote for the evening: Life feels small and insignificant. As time passes the pieces of your soul come back together and the fuzziness of the hurt eventually fades.

No Mercy to feeling numb

2009-02-19T10:36:00.000-08:00

My recent obsession has been listing to the group No Mercy on YouTube. I'll dance around my apartment in my undies singing to "Please Don't Go" trying to bust a move like the Latin guys. It really is amusing; however, my bird will be the only one on earth who will see me do this. Things really get crazy when I follow No Mercy with Milli Vanilli. There is nothing better than watching Rob and Fab dance with those mega shoulder pads. Needless to say, those are my feel good moments of the day.

Work has been hectic. My analyst is an idiot and I have taken steps to attempt to have him let go. Frankly, I'm astonished he hasn't quit yet. Given the number of times I have yelled at him and thrown him out of my office, anyone else would have packed it in by now. But, this guy is stupid, I think he's too dumb to think he's done anything wrong.

Travel seems to be picking up for me again. Next Monday I'm off to Miami for a day trip. Traveling like that wears me out but hey, it's the job.

I've felt out of the loop with my friends lately. Some people have even noted the distance I've kept from everyone. Even though I'm out and I'm around people, I feel disconnected. Typically I'll have a few drinks, head home, and crawl into bed. Truth be told, I haven't been motivated to doing anything other than laying on the couch and going to bed. I just have this numb feeling. Surely a vacation will solve this problem. A change of scenery will be good.

Oh well, bring on No Mercy, time to get motivated.

Bummed, still.

2009-02-07T21:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I have had a couple drinks and I'm not in the best state of mind. I text spike tonight hoping I would get an answer. I really liked him. I mean I really did. He seemed to have a genuine interest in me and then all of the sudden, it fizzled out. All I can do is assume I did something wrong. So, here I sit with a broken heart and I'm trying to move on. I'm tired of the scene, tired of the games, I've never played them very well. I truly wish I were like everyone else and could move on after the game were played. The thing is, I have feelings. I have a lot of love to give and no one wants it.

So what do I do? I honestly think I need to change. I plan to fulfill some obligations through the end of May then I think something will need to happen. I want to move, I want to leave all this drama. I know I can't leave though. I'm stuck and the pain will be stuck with me.

The thing that is sad, I hope the next text message is from Paul, the next call, but it never is. I let my guard down and this is what I got. I should have learned from before but I didn't. Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm f'n fabulous!

2009-02-01T09:47:00.000-08:00

At the end of each break-up I typically do my "Dear Ex" letter. This time, I'm not going to do that. Granted, Spike did not seem that into me and looks like he has already moved on, but I'm not worried. I've been feeling pretty low over the weekend thinking about the whole situation, I cried a little, and I was tempted to text Spike and try to work things through. Luckily, I refrained from texting.

This morning I woke up after a night sleeping on the couch and though about the things to come in my life. I thought, in 2009 I will have been to Las Vegas, New York, London, Paris, and Cairo. That's pretty f'n fabulous, I'm f'n fabulous. I really felt good about myself. I realized that I'm in the position I can do whatever I want in my life and the trips I have booked are a testament to where I'm going.

That being said, I realize I don't need to pine after someone who, frankly, didn't make an effort and never seemed that into me. So, I let it all go, I put on my gym gear, and I went and worked out. While at the gym I met someone new. Just a brief encounter but one all the same. This new outlook on life has given me the ability to pick myself up and move on. It's a good feeling and I feel good about myself.

Blah

2009-01-30T07:35:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to think blogging is a form of therapy for me; allowing me to get all my concerns off my chest. Here we go...

Last night I went out to dinner with spike. Both of us were tired and worn out from work and, in my case, my recent bout with being sick. I thought the conversation was good. Both of us realized that we work/worked with a group based out of California and their properties located here in Atlanta. Anyway, after dinner we went back to his place, parked in the parking deck and hugged goodbye. Now what type of signal does that send? Needless to say, I'm bummed about the whole thing. Granted he got an email from work and had to do some work once he got home but still, a hug? So, I'm going to try not to jump to conclusions although experience tells me I should.

Facebook... I was a member and decided to deactivate my account. I found I was spending too much time looking at everybody's current status, which I see as a form of cyber stalking. I would look at everybody's page and they have 800 friends. Please, there is no way! When I realized that people would approve anyone as their friend or request people they don't know, I realized this was not the place for me. I caught myself doing it and didn't feel comfortable. Sorry facebook, I turned my back on you!

Friends... I've recently discovered that you are judged more on the company you keep than you think. I feel I have a diverse group of friends and I feel I mix well among those groups. Lately someone told me that one of my friends is a little over the top and they could not imagine doing the things they do. I sat there and shook my head but thought, I love this person and wouldn't want them to change. If this is how they want to live their life and they can afford to do it, then I fully support them. I genuinely feel there is good in everyone and I appreciate people for what they bring to the friendship. That being said, I continue to keep all my friends even though not everyone plays well together. This might cause some stress and scheduling conflicts for me, but I want to keep everyone in my life. Everyone except ex's.

Work... The thing irritating me today is the guy that sits across the hall from me. He complains all the time and never has anything positive to say. Anyway, today he got some left over BBQ. I know, it was 10am when he got it. But, he wraps it up and leaves it in his office. That's right, no fridge time for his meat! Oh, and he won't eat that BBQ until 2pm. This guy is the only one I know who will buy his lunch, put it on the filing cabinet outside his office, close his door, and will wait 2 hours to eat it. The lunch is hot and should be eaten that way. Another example of his strange nature, this guy broke his pinky in October, which I think it takes about 6 weeks for a bone to heal. Anyway, he still has a cast support thingy on his finger. I think someone is being a little dramatic with the finger.

Well, that's it folks. I have bitched. I think I'll relax some this weekend and attempt to be social during the evening hours. Here's to the weekend and hoping there is a fresh start at some point.

Update

2009-01-22T09:25:00.000-08:00

Been a while since I've blogged, I can only chalk it up to being busy. Things with Spike and me are going well. We are taking things slow and I hope things develop between the two of us.

Work continues to keep me busy. All my deals are picking up and the bankers are looking closely at my assets. So, the heat is on. The good thing is, I got a promotion at work. I am now an Asset Manager, next stop Assistant Vice President.

I've continued to work out and get in shape but all that has come to a screeching halt. I've been sick for the past few days and it looks like I'll be home bound through the weekend. Hopefully I'll make a recovery by Saturday and I can go out but I don't think that will happen. Until then, it's me, my bird, and a lot of pudding.

The Western Front

2009-01-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

We all know that love is a battlefield. Thank you Pat Benatar. Recently everything has been clear on my Western Front. Roo is out of the picture, sort of. Roo has been talking with my trainer asking what happened. My trainer has told Roo that he is well aware what happened. So Roo hopped out of the picture and Spike stepped in.

Spike spent a good amount of time together this weekend. I think I'm going to take my time and enjoy this one. I want peace on the Western Front and I think Spike can bring that.

Back in full swing

2009-01-05T06:34:00.000-08:00

The holidays are over and everyone is back in the office. My phone is ringing and I can already feel my shoulders tightening. Welcome back to reality! Yay!

On a side note, I met some great people this weekend. Appears my mojo is in full swing and there are people interested in yours truly. Hopefully one will call today and set up dinner plans. Fingers crossed!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T06:52:00.000-08:00

2008, it was great knowing you. We had some great times and some trying times but it is now time for me to move on. I got introduced to someone named 2009 yesterday. I really think this one will work. He promises new things to come over the next 12 months, new adventures, new challenges. Although I loved being with you, 2008, we we're meant to be. I will always remember our 12 months together, the trips we took, the hard days at work, the loves we shared and those we lost. All my love 2008, you will be missed! xoxo

2009, how you doin?

....Happy New Year Everyone!

Bye Bye Roo

2008-12-28T14:09:00.000-08:00

So the honeymoon is over and I've ended it with Roo. Communication has been strained since Christmas Eve and Roo seems to have an issue with trusting me. After I was blown off today, I decided to call this one. What did I learn from this experience? When the laughing stops and there are more arguments than fun times, it's time to get out.

Roo was a good guy, I have no complaints, it just didn't work.

On another note, I was kinda offered a stripping position. Yup, I was told I would do well as a male stripper and could easily pull in six figures. Now, that comment was made after only seeing my abs and feeling my ass. This person didn't see the meat and two veg. Six figures, piece of cake!

Happy Boxing Day!

2008-12-26T10:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Boxing Day to all!

Happy Christmas

2008-12-25T10:05:00.001-08:00

Wishing you all a Happy Christmas!

Ho Ho Ho!

2008-12-23T09:39:00.000-08:00

Update: It's almost Christmas. I haven't really been in the Christmas mood this year, guess I've been so busy that I haven't had time to stop and enjoy the season. I've skipped on putting up a tree, I'm behind on cards, but at least my presents are bought and delivered.

The bf, not exactly the bf. Not sure where we stand these days. No worries here. I liked the guy, he's not communicating with me, oh well. There are more people in the gym that have been talking to me. I'll give Roo a little more time but he better make a move because I'm not waiting.

That's it. Happy Holidays Everyone!

Weekend

2008-12-08T08:07:00.000-08:00

Had a great time hanging with everyone. I saw almost everyone this weekend, if not text or talk with them. Toy Party was an experience, especially since I seemed to be suffering from a pulled groin muscle. Yeah, that was fun. I spent a good portion of the party sitting down. Anyway, overall the weekend was good.

Roo

2008-12-05T08:43:00.000-08:00

Had dinner with Roo last night. Let's just say it was probably the best dinner I have gone to. I laughed so much last night. However, the highlight of the night was when Roo and I were on the couch. I could feel Roo's heart beating really fast. I asked why that was happening. Roo said it was because I was there and close to him.

Muscle and the Roo.

2008-12-04T08:56:00.000-08:00

My life seems to revolve around the gym lately. I have found the more I work out and the more my chicken cutlets pop, the more attention I get in the gym. Last night I went for my standard Wednesday afternoon workout and saw Muscle there. No problem, we were polite to each other. It was only sex. Anyway, muscle starts talking to me, I'm halfway listening, he offers me gum, I take a piece, then muscle comes over and feeds me a piece of gum in the middle of the crowded gym. Not sure if spicy chicken saw, but he was definitely there. So, extra gum in mouth, I start my workout and muscle leaves.

Later on, in comes new player, Roo. Extremely nice, funny person. Pointed out I was wearing briefs as I was doing my ab exercises then asked my trainer if I could hear what was being said. I had to stop exercising because the laughing hurt too much. There was no official date request in the gym. As I was leaving, Roo drove past me and asked for my number. I spent a good amount of time speaking with Roo last night. Conversations have continued through today. Sounds promising, I think I might give this one a try.

Nan

2008-12-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

My Nan leaves in a couple of hours. I have to take her to the airport. I guarantee I will cry like a baby.

Irked.

2008-12-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

Today I was scheduled to meet with a brokerage firm regarding some of my assets in South Florida. Anyway, I had to reschedule due to some conflicts. The guy I was supposed to meet emails me and confirms he is cool with the reschedule; however, he did not seem pleased with my restaurant choice. I suggested F2O as I'm not interested in a formal lunch since I really don't have any business to pitch him. F2O would be low key, relaxed, plus the food is pretty good. So, this guy emails me and says he would rather pick a place that is "less cafeteria style." That's nice but he could have suggested another location instead of making that comment. Screw you dude, you need my business, I certainly don't need yours.

Welcome Home

2008-12-01T07:19:00.000-08:00

The week in Destin was great. I enjoyed the time I had with the family. There was one problem, the brother in law, he's an idiot. That aside, I had a nice time but I'm happy to be home. A lot can be said about being in your own space and sleeping in your own bed.

So, I get back to Atlanta last night and I'm driving down Freedom Parkway and what do I see? Two people in the car in front of me having an all out fight. At this point I'm talking to Morgan's voicemail and she is getting a blow by blow account of the situation. This fight got so heated the passenger opened their door and was about to jump from the speeding car. It was something to behold. I'd say I had my entertainment for the night. Welcome home to the ATL where people have fist fights in the car.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-21T05:07:00.000-08:00

I know it's early but I'm out. Leaving town. See you all in a couple weeks.

Spicy and Muscle

2008-11-20T06:03:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I made a small wager with someone at the gym. In the event I lost, my payment was to provide a baked good and sex. Well, I lost. So, Tuesday night I went to his place to make payment. For purposes of this blog, we will call him muscle.

Muscle and I seem to have a great time. He is not what I thought he would be, he was actually very considerate. Long story short, I held up my end of the bargain and went on my way. Things seemed good until I heard about the smack talk that went on later.

Many of you know the story of spicy chicken. Well, spicy and muscle appear to be best friends. Spicy knew that muscle had someone coming over Tuesday but didn't know it was me. Wednesday, spicy found out and started talking smack to muscle. Yesterday muscle was speaking with one of my friends and said he had a good time with me; however, spicy told him that I cheat on my bf's. Um, news to me, do I have a bf? Anyway, I have never cheated on the one's I have had. Luckily my friend was there to defend me and said muscle should look at the source of his information.

Maybe spicy said those thing because he was jealous. My friend told muscle that spicy is probably pissed that spicy hasn't had any from me in a while. Regardless, spicy, I'm offically over you.

The day has come.

2008-11-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

My grandmother arrive from England today. I can't wait to pick her up at the airport and give her a big hug and kiss. :)

Keys

2008-11-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

Locked my keys in my car last night. After spending a butt load of money to get my car open, I get a wild hair and decide to buy a new car. I started looking at a BMW, then an Accord. Finally, I came to my senses and realized there is nothing wrong with my car now, I'm going to hold onto Daisy.

Happy Birthday Tyler!

2008-11-07T17:09:00.000-08:00

Love You Darling!

Good Day

2008-11-06T06:58:00.000-08:00

I have this feeling that it's going to be a real good day. I'm ready for my Bank meeting today, all the data has been scrubbed, I know the deal. I hope to impress the Bankers. Fingers crossed.

My good feelings could be attributed to my workout this morning. I'm getting my body back into the shape I want it. No more melted cheese, alcohol, fast food.

Today's song: Seal's Love Divine. As I'm still looking for mine, I might as well listen to a song about it.

Oh Great Pumpkin, Where Were You?

2008-11-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

So, I got dressed up as a Navy Pilot in my undressed whites for Halloween. Undressed whites meaning underwear. So, I went out in my flight jacket, officers hat, and underwear.

Anyway, went to blakes and gilberts and I got a lot of attention. Everyone loved my outfit. I got many compliments on the costume and a bunch of people were taking pictures of me, there were even a few gropes. Later I went to the Fox to attend the Navigation party. As I was walking 4 blocks up Peachtree, I realized that Wicked had just let out. Some people were making comments on my costume as I passed them. One guy covered his bf's eyes as I passed. One girl said "I leave nothing to the imagination." About 1:30 I got tired,I hit it, and went home.

Saturday morning, various people started to tell me that my underwear was see through. EVERYONE in Atlanta saw my goodies.

Frankly, I shocked myself by going out in my undies but the fact they were see through is another thing. Oh well, I only live once!

Life goals

2008-10-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

Booked trip to Egypt, check!

Here's to a peaceful journey.

2008-10-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

Late this afternoon a friend of mine passed away. She had just turned 26 two weeks ago and had been fighting ovarian cancer for the past year and a half. It's unfortunate she had to fight so hard to beat cancer then die so young.

When she was diagnosed, she had just gotten engaged. R was high spirited, optimistic about treatment, and ready to plan a wedding. Shortly thereafter, R started to lose her hair from the kemo treatments. Unable to handle the situation, R's fiance walked out on her. The amazing thing, R kept her spirit up, she was going to kick cancer's ass, she just needed someone to point her in the right direction.

The last time I saw R was about a month ago. I had a great conversation with her. The new kemo treatment was working, the spots on her lungs had gone away, and her hair was growing back. She said her hair looked like mine, I quickly complimented her on her style choice. We smiled at each other and parted ways. That will always be the lasting image I have of R.

I'm not one to show a lot of emotion, chalk that up to my family, upbringing, etc. but R's passing was hard to swallow.

To R, I say what I said at my grandfather's funeral.... I've never liked the concept of saying goodbye. Growing up, when I would be with my grandparents at the airport (me crying as they flew back to England), my grandfather and grandmother would turn to me and say, "the best part about saying goodbye is the chance to say hello again. So, let's not say goodbye, let's say, 'see you later' because it won't be long before we meet again."

To R, I wish you a peaceful journey and I will see you later. You are missed dearly. All my love!

Catching up

2008-10-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote a proper blog. Here's the run down.

Work has been real busy. Late nights, weekends, and working from home are a common thing these days.

Found a new place to live. I think in the long run this move will be a good thing. I hate moving but it looks like I will save some money while being centrally located to everything.

Went on vacation to Aruba. Spent the week on the beach doing absolutely nothing. Stayed at the Riu Palace, all inclusive. I ate and drank a lot, waist line is proof of the pudding. But, I am relaxed, tan, and blonde.

So, the plan now is to continue to work hard, move in November, and ride out the rest of the year.

Love this song

2008-09-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Leona Lewis.

Perfect song for my mood on a fall day.

Vacation

2008-09-19T18:45:00.001-07:00

Aruba, here I come.

Bits and Bobs

2008-09-03T11:43:00.000-07:00

Spent a lot of time at the gym lately. People clearly have noticed as I get groped in the bar and my friends play with my chest.

Saw a couple past "interests" of mine lately. Blue eyes has clearly gotten fatter. Karma!!!! Cankles has put on a pudge and does not look as made up as he usually is, must be his age, Karma!!!!! The guy I messed around with when I got back from Barbados was at the same party as Blue Eyes. (He's in love with Blue Eyes but won't admit it, he cries his name in his sleep). Anyway, he asked how I was doing, I said I was great, and walked away. He didn't deserve my attention.

Went on a date recently. I think it went pretty well. I'm not a very good dater as my conversations range from boiled fish to jumping out of planes. Getting to know me takes time and first dates make me seem to be very odd.

Vacation to Aruba is right around the corner. I'm ready to go now. I need to get away from the city and the blackberry.

My analyst is still a dumbass. He asked how to dial a telephone number about a week ago. I suspect his mother dresses him every morning, packs his lunch, and wipes his ass before he leaves for work in the morning. Who would have thought I was someones worst nightmare? I've gotten to the point where I ignore his questions and tell him to figure out a solution. It frustrates him to no end when I don't give him the answer and he has to figure it out.....I've done my job.

This weekend is Cotillion. As long as I get back from Miami, I will be sporting a CK tux, black mask, and some smokey, sexy eye stuff. Try to find me. I'll be the hot one. :)

I need a change.

2008-08-24T18:08:00.000-07:00

Spent most of the weekend inside. I tried to go out but everytime I did, things didn't turn out the way it should have. I think Friday, my birthday, set the stage for the weekend. I worked late when my analysts went home early, had dinner with co-workers where we talked about the market, then went to Richards. At Richards someone got a little confrontational with me. Yeah, I decided I really didn't need that on my day, so I left. I was pissed! Not only was I tired Friday, I had someone try to ruin my day.

The rest of the weekend was a wash.

Oh, I saw JN at a brunch Sunday. I'm glad we're mature enough not to speak to each other.

Anyway, my taking a half day tomorrow and I'm going to let my co-workers deal with all the work I gave them. Peace bitches!

Serious headache

2008-08-14T15:08:00.000-07:00

I am well aware I bitch about work a lot. Yeah, I'm obsessive about it. I love the job and if I'm bitching about it then I'm actually happy, that's my nature.

Lately I've been doing my share of hand holding. The new analyst isn't working out. He actually gave work back to me and said he was too busy to complete the task. Well CD, I'm sorry you're busy. Let me do that for you since I really have nothing to do. Sure, I'll put the lawsuits to the side, I won't deal with ins compliance, I'm not busy! Actually CD, take that shit back and deal with it, and while your at it, here's some more work to do..... I'm going to load him down with work and break him.

I might be getting a new deal in Miami. That's right kids, another deal in Miami and we all know how I feel about Miami! Let's just say I've had a better time in Potsdam, NY then I have in Miami.

Other Miami deals..... Borrower lied to me. No surprise there. Only problem now, it's going to bite them in the ass. There will likely be three lawsuits over the shit they pulled. How does this affect me? It doesn't. I have helped in these situations before, found a resolution but the borrower continued to break the rules. They could only get away with it for so long. Now, it's become a huge problem for them and I'm not helping.

Ok, enough work....

Love life: Been dry lately but I'm being introduced to someone this weekend. I'm very excited because I know who the person is. Apparently, the other person is interested and very flattered.

Travel: Aruba is approaching. I can't wait. I need a week on the beach to de-stress. I intend to do nothing but lay on the beach, float in the pool, and swim in the ocean.

Birthday: Next week. I don't feel older. Actually, I think I look better now than I did when I was 22, thanks to the trainer. Anyway, I intend to get a bucket of KFC and watch movies (don't tell the trainer). FYI, the KFC on my birthday was a tradition my grandmother and I used to have. I'm very sentimental about it. :)

It's late, I'm headed home now. Til later! :)

Update

2008-07-30T21:31:00.001-07:00

Miami, got work done but I hate the city.

The Shore Club, ran into Dennis Rodman, two dirty rooms, two cops, three paramedics, and a drug overdose.

Delta, flight delayed, trip back to Atlanta, 5 hours.

9 fires, 1 murder. All on my clients property.

Funeral Thursday.

Farewell party Friday.

Saturday, doors locked.

Any questions? None? Good.

Monday, again

2008-07-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

The weekend was fun. Had an early evening on Friday, Saturday was spent with J. Attended a party with him and ran into some people unexpectedly. Spent the rest of Saturday at Richards. Sunday, went to the gym and saw the cutest guy. As usual, I was too nervous to say anything. But, a friend of mine has promised to introduce me.

So, it's Monday, I'm bored at work, yadda, yadda, yadda. Let's hope the week picks up.

From left field comes.....

2008-07-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

The Chaplin. Our company has a Chaplin on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Actually, we have three Chaplins. Really, tell me about it! So, I'm sitting in my office, drafting an email about my clients financial exposure when the Chaplin pops his head in.

I guess I've been short listed as someone that needs help. Granted, I realize I am the nuclear bomb of relationships, my family is far from normal, and my friends generally think I'm crazy but, a Chaplin?

Needless to say, we had a lovely conversation about Atlanta festivals and his love of a nice barley soup during the winter.

My new favorite thing!

2008-07-08T10:23:00.001-07:00

I love waking up early in the morning, driving to the gym, and playing Ray Charles "Georgia On My Mind." As the suns coming up, I drive along the skyline of Atlanta listening to Ray Charles.

Happy Pride!

2008-07-06T18:24:00.000-07:00

I want to wish everyone a HAPPY PRIDE!

I had a great time this weekend, even though things felt out of sorts with Pride being moved to the Civic Center. I still had an excellent time with friends, loved the parade (although it rained non-stop), and the clubs and bars were packed out.

Pride is a lot of work for many people, no doubt, and I had the privilege of sitting back and enjoying it all. But, now it's winding down and I feel a smidgen of remorse. It's like how you feel on Christmas day after all the presents have been opened and you've played with all your toys. What do you do now? You have to wait another year for the excitement to return. I guess I'm saying I thoroughly enjoy seeing everyone come together, have a great time, and be themselves.

So, where will we all be in 12 months time? Will I still have the same friends? Will I be living in the same place or will I buy a house? Will I even still live in Atlanta? Things seem to change so quickly these days, it's scary.

Looking back I see where I've come from. Eight years ago, the Olympics were in Sydney, I was in London, loving life, traveling, and finishing my undergrad degree. Four years ago, when the Olympics were in Athens, I was living in Mississippi doing a job I hated. Now, with the Olympics in Beijing, I'm in Atlanta with a job I love. In 2012, the Olympics will be in London, where will I be?

Fortunately, I'm not a soothsayer and I can't predict the future; honestly, I wouldn't want to. However, I can set goals and try to accomplish them. Some are simple, others are dreams I'm going to try to make a reality. Here are a few, in no particular order:

1) Buy a house
2) Travel to Egypt to carry on a family tradition
3) Find love
4) Improve my social skills
5) Get a cat and dog

Simple, yes. Obtainable? I hope. The one thing I am certain of, I'm in a happy place today. Even though I feel like all the presents have been opened, I'm happy. I have many things to look forward to over the next 12 months. Luckily, I have a great support system of friends around me to be there when I need them and are there when I don't. That's what makes me proud.

Happy Pride!

Thank You Department of Revenue!

2008-07-03T08:57:00.000-07:00

So, I go to the mailbox to pick up my endless supply of adverts, etc. and what do I see? It was my tax return from the Georgia Department of Revenue. One slight problem, they paid me a little more than twice what I should have received. So, being the honest person I am, I called the GDR and told them I have their money. They were shocked I called them, then told me the money was actually mine. Last year they told me I owed money from 2006. I told them they were wrong, but I paid the amount because it wasn't worth my time to fight them. Come to find out, I was correct and they sent me my money back. So, I plan to stimulate the economy this weekend. Well, stimulate something this weekend.

Just one of those days

2008-07-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

So, after this mornings debacle, I came to work and the crazy shit has just kept coming. I spent an hour on the phone with an attorney and we got nothing accomplished. He talked about what he needed to do and then re-iterated it about 7 times.

I then accidentally called 911 from my cell phone. I'm notorious for sitting on my phone and calling 911. This time, they called back. I told them there was no emergency and I was sorry.

Finally, I called my sis. I thought she picked up but I ended up talking to her mother in law. Oops! Luckily I didn't say anything rude.

Come on 5:30, hurry up!

Dear Diapers!

2008-07-01T05:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Diapers,

Let me start out by telling you about the night I had. My upstairs neighbor thought it would be a good idea to stomp around and do laundry at 11pm. My next door neighbor thought it would be cute to let his dog whine in the room adjacent to my bedroom. Although I wanted to get an early night sleep so I could be at the gym at 6am, I couldn't because my neighbors are dill weeds. So, the alarm goes off at 4am and I finally get up and meet my trainer at the gym. It was here that I encountered you.

I scan my card like I normally do. Unfortunately my credit card you have in your system has not been updated with the new expiration date. What you should have done was pull me aside and had me provide you with my new card. Instead, you chase me down, walk me back to the desk, and tell me my card has been declined.

As I explained to you diapers, all you need to do is enter my updated credit card information. And please don't ask me if my credit card has a routing number. Honey, it doesn't, it's a credit card not a check.

After all that explanation, you still felt it necessary to tell me my card was no good because it had been declined. Sweetie, there is a difference between being declined and having the wrong expiration date in your computer. If you entered the correct date on your little screen, you would see I'm not declined. As I told you, I have enough credit to buy a house on that card. Re-run it darling and see what happens.

Finally, we got that cleared up and I wasted 15 minutes of my workout. So, I'll be making a call to corporate today and I'll discuss your blatantly obvious need for training, both physically and mentally.

Kindest Regards,

A loyal member with a hell of a lot more credit than you!

Bits and Bobs

2008-06-30T12:26:00.000-07:00

Went and saw "Wanted" this weekend with the boys. I liked the movie. I didn't like the guy behind me with his feet on my seat. After rocking back and forth and hitting his feet, I think he got the idea. Anyway, he looks like he smells musty, down there. So, I take some pity.

Guy in my office is getting fired. I think it just happened. Granted, he dropped the ball on a few things. I feel bad but he only has himself to blame.

Tuna, that's what I'm eating right now. I'm sure my co-workers are grateful for my culinary prowess.

Shirt, un-tucked. I found it very hard to keep my CK polo tucked in today. So, I abandoned the effort and went balls to the walls and pulled that shit out.

Day: Almost over!

For those who want to know what I do.

2008-06-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

I had to write a biography for work. Just in case you wanted to know what I do, here it is. And I hate referring to myself as Mr.!

Mr. F is assigned to the Special Asset Management Team at TriMont and is responsible for the oversight of performing and non- performing loans and REO assets for various investor clients of TriMont. As an Associate Asset Manager, Mr. F’s primary responsibilities focus on formulating and executing workout resolutions for distressed assets, quarterly and annual reporting and analysis, asset valuation, and underwriting due diligence. Additional responsibilities include the risk assessment and quarterly reporting of a portfolio of assets in the United Kingdom and Germany.

Mr. F joined TriMont Real Estate Advisors, Inc. in February 2005. Prior to joining TriMont, Mr. F worked for R Bank, formerly U, N.A., as a Foreclosure Associate overseeing a portfolio of distressed single family residences across Texas, Illinois, Michigan, and Mississippi. While in this position, he gained valuable experience with workouts, preserving deficiency rights, bankruptcy procedures and the disposition of REO assets.

Mr. F obtained an MBA in Finance from the USM in August 2002 and a Bachelor’s of Science Degree in International Business and Economics from Auburn University in December 2000. Additional studies at Kings College, London and Richmond University, London included course work in International Finance and Economics and International Monetary Policy.

Where did the week go?

2008-06-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

Week flew by, let's hope the weeks isn't the same way.

Song of the day: "On the Front Porch" by Burl Ives.

....All I want to dooooo, is linger herrrreeee on the frooonnnnttt porch with yoooouuuuu.......

Thought of the day: How much trouble can I get into.

Weekend Warrior

2008-06-16T08:03:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a weekend. The long and short of it....

Friday, lunch with the peeps. There was some note passing by a member of the party to someone at another table. Reports indicate there has been no call as of yet. Too bad!

Friday night, drinks with my friend J. Two drinks later and I was showing my ass and making a fool of myself. But, it was funny tom-foolery and everyone had a good time. However, a night on the bathroom floor later....

Saturday, met up with the parents and new niece and nephew. I changed diapers and got pooped on. Oh well, I love them so much it doesn't matter. They are too cute, even when they fart.

Saturday night, party at the W. The valet charges $8 the first hour and $16 every hour after. Unless I get a blow job and my car washed, I don't fucking think so. The party then moved to wet. I was sober and I was up to no good. I was pulling down people's pants in public, mimicking this crazy guy (was carrying a bag with a disco ball in it. - Guess he was afraid there wouldn't be one there.), and went up to a few people and introduced myself (which I never do). It was a lot of fun.

Sunday, gym and parent/baby time. They were too cute, I had to spend some more time with them.

You can call me Dwight.

2008-06-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

Dwight from The Office has a similar Bobble Head.

Bobble Head Doll

2008-06-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

So, I am the recipient of a bobble head doll, of myself. It's actually really cool, yet creepy. The person who made it has done an excellent job, from the hair style to the Hugo Boss pants, to the shoes. Oh, and I finally have a nice tight ass.

As usual, I've been traveling for work. Last week it was the "South Florida" tour. It was hot as hell and I had way too much to do in a tight time frame. This week it's off to Memphis for a site visit and meetings.

Not much else happening right now. Will update again soon.

Enjoyment

2008-05-27T07:36:00.000-07:00

Been a while since I've blogged. I suppose the frequency of my blogs depends on my stress levels. Fortunately, as usual, I've been busy but not stressed. I have a great analyst working for me, which makes my life a little easier. Unfortunately, today, my company has blocked my blackberry service due to audits and security issues. So, I plan to have the company pay for the enterprise license, which will allow for faster delivery of my messages. The IT department can be real dicks sometimes.

I had a great weekend with friends. Had E cut my hair, bummed around with JD, T came in from London, had some drinks, worked out, and got some rest. It was a nice weekend all around. Then there was Jeffery's Fried Chicken and Friendship. I had a great time, plus it raised money for AID Atlanta. There were a lot of people there, I was somewhat social. (You that know me realize it takes a while for me to warm up to people). I did feel really bad for the guy who did a head plant into a tree. I realize the vodka soaked fruit can hit you hard if you're not paying attention. Yes, I had sympathy. I hate seeing people get hurt. I feel I have to be there to care for people when they're not feeling well. Fortunately, JD was there and I let him deal with the hurt guy. Funny enough, I admire JD for helping him. I know he's an EMT but it shows that JD does care, even though he won't admit it. The one person missing from the weekend escapades, A. A was hurt while playing with his comic books. I felt bad that he was hurt but he was watching the DVD collection of Sex and the City, so I knew he was in good hands.

Other news:
My cousin in England had her baby boy on Saturday. Joshua Daniel, 8 lbs 13 oz.
My sister hasn't had her twins yet. They are hunkering down and are in it for the long haul. The sis is on bed rest now. I'm glad she is, she needs to relax while she can, although uncomfortable, being off her feet should help.
My cousin in Mobile got engaged, after 10 years of dating the same girl. Let's not go there.

Drive by

2008-05-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

Been busy at work, nothing new. Laying low recently, tired of the scene and the drama. Spent my weekend playing blackjack with old and new friends at Amsterdam. I think that's my new favorite thing to do on the weekend. Just plain fun and Tim is a real hoot. I'd rather be there instead of "doing the loop" at blakes.

Did what I wanted to do this weekend. Went to the gym, the movies with the sis, and took a couple naps. My nap on Sunday was so good, I would say it was better than sex. I woke up feeling great, without the assistance of caffeine.

This weekend, who knows. News just in that a British bombshell will be hitting Atlanta. T is on her way back for a short visit. Can't wait to see her. There will be some gym time this week. And, hopefully, JS will want to meet up. There has been talking but he was out of town this weekend with the family.

Barbados = New Beginning

2008-05-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

Last week there was the minor breakdown. Then I left for Barbados. A week in another country, thousands of miles away from Atlanta helps. I sat on the beach and relaxed. I thought of where I was in my life, who my friends are, and how fortunate I am. I saw many people in Barbados who would be criticized in the Atlanta scene but they looked happy. Happy with who they were, what they look like. I envied them for that.

So, I returned from the trip a new person. I saw the former interest and decided it was best to cut off all communication. The guy is a fab guy, but if there is no interest in me then there is no reason for me to fool myself. He wants friendship, I want love. So, I said I will need to cut off communication.

The message was sent and communication has now ceased. I wish him luck, love, etc. I move on to other things.

Looking forward, I will still wear my heart on my sleeve. I'll have it out there for the right person. I'll leave it out there for the person who wants to love me.

I felt my spirit break.

2008-05-03T21:21:00.000-07:00

I was talking to someone tonight that was instrumental in setting me up with a my last interest. I was informed this person has moved on to someone younger. I congratulate them for finding someone. The thing that stings is this same person told me they don't want a relationship, responsibility. So, what do they do? They start playing with someone else.

Some of you may be saying, screw him, you're better than that. Some said they couldn't see me with them anyway. I respect those opinions. The reality is, I could. The way I see it, I've worked hard for a good job, a nice body, stable finances. I put my heart out there. I get my hopes up. I don't know how to play the game. I don't want to play the game. I want love. That is something I can't find, get, whatever. I took it slow. Then they played me.

I realize my mistake. blah, blah, blah....

He is not worth it. With accomplishment comes failure. How you deal with the failure is a testament to who you are. I've been able to deal until now. No, I haven't gone crazy, I'm just tired of always fighting. The head is strong but the spirit is weak.

Today I breath.

2008-05-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

The deal in Miami closed yesterday. I was on site in Miami yesterday working on some final exhibits and numbers. New York, my office, the borrower, everyone was blowing up my phone but, as I was boarding the plane at 4pm, the trigger was being pulled. It wasn't until I landed back in Atlanta that I found out the $238 million had hit the bank. It was over. All the work, done. So, I hopped in the car, called a few people in true jubilation then hit the bar with my peep A for a drink.

Today my team has the afterglow going on. Imagine a $238 million orgasm. That's how I feel right now. Granted the closing was long in coming, 1 month to be exact, but he finally came.

Now, I vacation. (Well, Sunday I vacation.)

When will it stop?

2008-04-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

The massive amounts of emails keep coming. Closing this deal in Florida is starting to become a pain in my ass. Calls with attorney's, calls with the new client, borrower, lender, third party consultants, and on and on and on. It never stops. I get emails throughout the night, calls for work on the weekend, while I'm in the bar. It's official, my life is not my own.

I've been so tired when I get home, I veg on the couch and fall asleep. I really need to do some work at home. My clothes are clean but nothing is folded. I couldn't find normal matching socks this morning, so I wore my Christmas socks. Yup, I've been called out at work.

Can it get any crazier?

2008-04-24T14:05:00.000-07:00

Closing this $300 million deal has taken it's toll on me. Calls from attorney's, the borrower, lender, investor, escrow agents, and on and on. It doesn't stop. This is supposed to close tomorrow but I highly doubt that will be the case. I expect the missing docs, like the indemnity agreements, estoppels, and FF&E and OS&E schedules. I can't pull those out of my ass. TO top it all off, the investor wants to see all stored material. Sure, go ahead, it's only located across the states, Canada, and London.

When will it stop? I want to be on vacation right now. One week and two days then it's off to Barbados!

Exhausted

2008-04-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

You would think a day trip to Miami would be fun. No, not when you travel with me. I worked my ass off yesterday. Here's how it went:

First half of the day:
7am flight to Miami
8:45 meeting with borrower to discuss reconciliation of $175 million
Noon lunch meeting with borrower
1:30 meet with sales staff at sales office
2:30 Fire Marshall and authorities come in and give us 1 hour to get out
3:30 vacate property

So, you may be asking, why vacate the property? Well, the building was being demolished at the time. Seriously, they were tearing down the building while we were watching. The Fire Marshall came in, said we had an hour, grab the most important things, and get out.

Second half of the day:
4pm at the airport
4:30 getting calls from the boss to reconcile some spreadsheets (of which, I did not have any access to.)
5pm tell boss I will not be able to reconcile based on the data I have
5:15 email telling me to come to the office (was in Miami at the time)
5:20 on the plane
5:25 on a conference call with boss and borrower
5:50 door closed, taking off
7:45 land in Atlanta, on my way to work
8pm - 11:30 call with borrower, meeting with boss, reconciliation. (end result - I was right.)
12pm my ass makes it home.

That was a long day at work.

Cutest thing!

2008-04-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

So, went to my sisters today and she did the coolest thing. As some know, my sister is pregnant with twins, a boy and girl. Anyway, she took her iPod, hooked it up to some mini speakers (seriously these speakers looked like they were made to play on baby bellies), and put them on her belly. She was playing music for them. The thing that broke my heart was that she played "Over the Rainbow" by Isreal Kamakawiwo'ole. It was me and my sister, sitting there listening to this and watching the kids move around. It was a touching moment! A moment, I think, my sister and I will always remember.

Friday

2008-04-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

Songs for the day:

The Fugees - Killing me softly.
It got me through worse things, it'll get me through this disappointment.

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love.
Just like the song, someone will melt my frozen heart.

Bright spots of the day:

Tyler checking on me early this morning.
Kurt telling me cannibal mice are interesting. I totally agree!
Arman keeping my social schedule full.

Crack my ass up moments thus far:

Sitting in a New York Lien Law meeting, my co-worker gasps, and points out this woman with amazing helmet hair. Fierce! P.S. I took a picture.

The blog on the AJC about people feeling the earth move last night but not from the earthquake. When did the AJC decide they would allow such suggestive posts?

Weird moments of the day:

Woke up in the night and thought that F had a bf when sudo dating me. I was pissed, turned over, text JD with a message that said, "I think F lied and he's seeing someone else." I hate when dreams seem real.

Bed started moving early this morning. As there isn't anyone in the bed with me to make the earth move for me, it must have been the earth. Yup, I woke up again last night but this time it was because of the earthquake. Funny thing is, I was tempted to text my friends and see if anyone else felt it. Then I thought, it's early, people are going to think I've lost my mind. Apparently not!

It's official.

2008-04-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

Let's be friends.

Update

2008-04-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

So, the movie night seemed to go well. The movie sucked but the company was nice. There has been texting since but I'm not sure of the other persons interest. I think someone's sitting on the fence when it comes to me. This one's hard to gauge.

Hot, cold, hot, cold.

I figure if I don't get the sense of where I am, I'm going to forge down another path, alone.

In a mood.

2008-04-15T05:59:00.000-07:00

Ever wake up in the morning, feeling great, have a sense you're going to get some things accomplished and then one thing sets you off and the rest of your day is screwed. Yup, that's me today. Went to the gym and my trainer pulled a no show. That's cool, I did cardio but that set me off for the rest of my day. It's just now 9am and I have been confrontational with everyone and everything from the gas pump to my blackberry to attorney's. If you're in my way today, I'm going to destroy you. I'm sure my mood will change once I get into my work. I'm just determined to get some shit done today and not pull punches so I can get it done.

The light at the end of my tunnel is the movies tonight. A chance to escape. A second chance.

So, until then, watch out world, I'm on a rip!

Back to the beginning

2008-04-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time I was driven, goal oriented, making monumental achievements. Then, I started getting wrapped up in drama, sudo relationships, "the scene." Now, I'm starting to realize I need to go back to the beginning, review the fundamentals of what make me who I am.

It's time to get back to the way I was. Work hard, set goals, make my mark on the world again. I've been sucked into a vortex for the past three years and the time has come to emerge. Watch out everyone, I'm making a move.

First date and follow ups

2008-04-10T11:37:00.000-07:00

So I might not be the best at first dates. My date with F the other night was interesting. F was fine, I on the other hand, tragic mess. Blame it on the wine or the fact I had just made a day trip to and from Miami, my mojo Tuesday night was not happening. My topics of conversation include: cannibal mice, my dead cat, snakes, dead animal skulls, and family. That's right kids, my stream of conscienceness turned into river of bad ramblings. Dinner ended and the damage was done.

Luckily, I asked for a date redo and F said there will be another date. The next time I'm going to go with topics a little less death oriented.

Weekend Update

2008-04-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

After a hectic trip to Las Vegas, this weekend's focus was rest. I did rest but I had an active social schedule. Typical nights, bar and meeting up with friends. The highlight of my weekend was X. Saw X working Friday night, exchanged smiles and a few words. Saturday I went to hang with X. Had a great time, played drinking games, then ended the night at a diner. Suday, went to brunch for EM's birthday. Later went to Blakes and met Y, L, and X then went to play blackjack. X drove me back to my car and I went home.

For once, this feels like a real dating situation and not a quick hook up.

Fingers crossed everyone. I like this one.

Vegas - My Perspective

2008-04-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

Had a whirlwind trip to Las Vegas. Attended a conference, did a site visit, met with consultants, lunch, dinner, yadda, yadda.

Flight: First Class seating. Free drinks, I can't complain.

Four Seasons: Decent. I prefer the Bellagio. The soap at the Four Seasons is BVLGARI but the surroundings of the Bellagio is much nicer.

Golden Nugget: My new place to gamble. $5 blackjack, dealers who convinced me to stay, play one more hand, and eventually more than doubled my investment. Pool scene had a hot guys hanging around. The one in the blue bathing suit. Hot Hot Hot!!!

Palm: Nice steak. The private booth was ok. All around, I've had better.

Verdict: Eh, let's try again in 3 weeks.

How can I say this gently?

2008-03-31T06:11:00.001-07:00

I'm positively livid. Last week I invited some of my closest friends to a roast this Sunday. I spent the week planning the menu, picking up food, cleaning my place, basically getting ready to let my friends come to my place, relax and have a good meal. I was going to cook a sudo-traditional English roast with sides. The menu included, two roast chickens, roast vegetables, potato casserole, green bean casserole, meatball appetizers, mini caprese bites, chips to nibble on, bread rolls, two types of gravy, and a pound cake with preserves, custard, and cream. I prepared and cooked it all.

Sunday rolled around, the food was cooked, my place was spotless, but there was one problem, the only people there were Jason and myself. That's right kids, no one showed up. People who had previous confirmed, pulled a no show. I completely understand if something comes up, you don't want to come, anything, just don't pull a no show. I could have cut back on the food I was cooking. I could have cooked for two.

As usual, I'm forgiving but not forgetting. By pulling a no show, that disrespected me and embarrassed me.

I'm going to end my blog here. There is a lot I could say but this isn't worth it anymore.

Peace.

Bored

2008-03-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

Sounds crazy but I'm bored. I'm sitting around waiting for something to happen. I know this weekend and next week are going to be crazy. I've got two birthdays to attend, a couple personal appointments, trip to Las Vegas, breakfast thingy with the Gov. of Nevada, and a personal life to maintain. I guess this is what they call "my down time."

I hate being bored though. I'm trying to get a few things done at work, still bored. You would think I wouldn't be bored working.... Senior loan participation for $500 million deal in Florida, selling over $100 million of land in Vegas, building a resort in the Costa Rican rain forest. Bored..... Came home on time today, watched TV, did some abs, bored. So, going to drink some milk, go to bed, get up at 4:30am tomorrow and start it all over again.

No wammy, no wammy, no wammy, no wammy, stop!

The pursuit of happiness = My path of destruction

2008-03-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

If past relationships and hook-ups are an indication of my dating habits then, molly, I'm in danger. Someone once told me I'm the nuclear bomb of relationships. If dropped into a relationship, I'm likely to destroy all parties involved. Sad but unfortunately true.

My hook-ups, although a mildly entertaining bar story, are even worse than my relationships. I'm sure it wasn't bad for the other person, as some came back for more, it wasn't that good for me. Yes, I enjoyed every minute of it, the hang up comes when I expect more later. Not sure what I expected, maybe they leave the bf for me and they never cheat again, or I become the second wife. It was that last thought that made me make my new years resolution of no longer being the other woman in the relationship. Like Amy Tan's character in The Joy Luck Club, I am determined to be the first wife.

Where does that leave me? Honestly I don't know. I have stuck to my word and have not been the other woman in the relationship. I've looked for that guy to start something with but haven't found them. I'm very picky about who I like, I realize this. I've also had interested guys but I know they are too nice for me. They have tried to date me but I shot them down. I know what I'll do, I'll destroy them. My bomb will go off and it will not be pretty. Some may ask, what are you talking about? Let's see, I stopped seeing someone because he had ugly feet. Also, this one guy drove a van and I couldn't handle that. I know, I'm shallow, just as bad as blue eyes. Hence, I thought we would be a good match. But, he shot me down first, blue eyes 1 - me 0. My problem, I like the guys that are mean to me or unavailable. For now, that will always be my thing and I continue to look for the person for me, not the person someone else thinks is right for me.

Pat Benatar once sang "Love is a battlefield." Yes Pat, that is true, love is a battlefield but, drop me into it and all will be destroyed. Game, set, match, your battle is over.

Nice Camel Toe Suzie

2008-03-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

Bless her, everytime I hear this girls name at work, I think of the picture where Suzie is at the company olympics and she's sporting a camel toe. Secretly, inside I say, "nice camel toe suzie."

We are Rockin and Rollin!

2008-03-07T07:28:00.000-08:00

Watch out kids, things are about to take off. The markets are moving, Wall Street is buzzing, and I'm in the thick of it all. It all started with a call from a client last night. Granted, this person is very renowned in his business and for him to call me directly was slightly shocking. As it stands, I will be involved in a transaction just over half a billion dollars. Yes my sweet peas, you read that correctly, over half a billion. (Anything less is so passe.) Granted, this isn't the largest deal I've been involved with but it is substantial. The process has begun, the attorney's contacted and the bankers are ready to pull the trigger. We're playing with the BIG guns now!

Other news, Las Vegas is going to become a challenging market. The deals I have out there are in limbo. It's about finding the right buyer, at the right time, and, obviously, at the right price.

Manhattan, I watch that office market with baited breath. There is a lot of money at play there and I don't think many people have the appetite to say in the market. Business plans need to be defined, alternate solutions prepared, and attorney's kept on standby. It could to be a blood bath.

On the personal front: I guess I'm up for a promotion because my personal life is in shambles. I saw blue eyes (BE) last night. Although I'm moving on, it's always hard to look at the person that said something disrespectful about you. Still, moving on.

It's raining, raining in my heart.

2008-03-04T06:35:00.000-08:00

The sun is out,
The sky is blue,
There's nothing out to spoil the view,
But it's raining, raining in my heart.

Actually, it's raining outside and my heart isn't too gloomy. I love coming to work and it's raining out. I can look out my window and see the storm clouds moving through. It's so cool to see the sheets of rain moving North.

Things seem to be going well for me at the moment. Even though there was the hang up on "standard boy", I've got to move on. Funny thing, I had a hard time settling down last night until I thought of one particular person. Strange. I have been somewhat amused with this person but never pursued. Maybe I should, or not. AR, I know what you're going to say!

You know that scene from A Devil Wears Prada where Andrea is in the office early in the morning and it's quiet, right before she has to tell Emily she's not going to Paris. That's where I am right now. I just have a similar feeling. It's quiet, very little movement in the office, a sense of calm. Something good must be on the horizon.

Leap Year

2008-02-29T08:46:00.000-08:00

February 29th is an oddity within itself so, given the peculiarity of the day, something out of the ordinary is bound to happen. That being said, I have already had my moment today. While enjoying my biscuit and gravy this morning I somehow managed to cut my lip. Granted cutting your lip isn't strange but when you do it with a spoon......CREEPY!

However, the day after.....

2008-02-27T10:27:00.000-08:00

Still feeling a little of the sting from the "standards" comment. Unfortunately, I take things to heart and let things fester and bother me. I think I need a good weekend out so I can gauge the crowd reaction. You know, have a "Soap Dish" moment where Whoopi starts the fan fare for Sally Field who, is depressed about her daughters soap career and the realization she will have to come clean about being the girls mother. The attention and random bum pinchings would be nice. As stupid as it sounds, this would make me feel I still have something to give.

Let's talk about standards

2008-02-26T06:06:00.000-08:00

Dear Blue Eyes,

So, the rumor going around is that I'm below your standards. You talk to me once, there was a sudo invite to lunch, you break up with the bf, then I'm suddenly not up to your standards. Well, I'm cool with that. I respect your feelings, I'm sure you've put a lot of thought behind what constitutes as your standards. I know you have a demanding job, it must be difficult arranging employee schedules, making sure displays are straight, and figuring out how to use the pricing gun to discount old stock. Those are demanding responsibilites. I thought I had a tough day when construction workers were walking off a $1 Billon project, millions of dollars need to be wired in one day, or the sub-prime market bottoms out and financing in the capital markets is hard to come by and your purchaser comes back with a re-trade. Yeah, I must have missed the boat on standards. Oh well, I might not be up to your standards but that doesn't change who I am. Personally, I think I'm cute, successful, and have a lot of potential. I've accomplished many things in my life; changed laws, been active in conservation, won many awards, worked on the largest real estate transaction the country has ever seen, spoken with Saudi politicians, met with Royalty, among many other things.

So, I wish you the best of luck. I hope you find the person of your dreams and you have a very "standard" relationship. In the meantime, I plan to work on my standards. Not my personal standards, but the standards in the people I pursue. Frankly, I didn't mind that you work in retail. Anyway, I thank you. I thank you for helping me realize that I need someone that meets my standards. Maybe I'll find someone that can come up to my level.

Kindest Regards,

The One That Got Away.

After much ado....I return

2008-02-18T08:36:00.000-08:00

The flu sucks. It officially kicked my ass last week and has left me with a few battle scars. But, my body has prevailed, I have overcome the oppression of the flu this year.

So, this weekend was good for me. Friday night I ended up staying in and falling asleep. That was probably a good thing, it allowed me to conserve all my energy for Saturday.

Saturday, dinner with Arman, Errol, DJ Chad Jack, David, David, and Dan (all of 30 seconds). Dinner then led to club. This is where it all went down. Blue Eyes and I actually spoke more than the typical hello's (I'm so excited!). There may be a lunch somewhere down the line for that one.

Let's be truthful, my excitement comes from the brief, yet solid, conversation I had with blue eyes. Even if nothing else happens, just the smile I got was enough to make my knees buckle.

What's on tap? I leave for Vegas tomorrow for three days. Back in Atlanta Thursday evening. Friday work. Friday night, on the prowl. Saturday, wedding. Saturday night, prowl then pounce! Sunday, glow!

Dear Frenemy!

2008-02-07T19:41:00.000-08:00

Disappointed.

The Year of the Rat - Let the cycle begin.

2008-02-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

According to the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of 2008 is a Year of the Rat (Earth), which begins on February 7, 2008 and ends on January 25, 2009. First in the cycle of 12 Animal signs, Rat Year begins the sequence and recurs every twelfth year. It is a time of renewal in so many ways. From New Year to Valentine's Day, to the arrival of spring, may all the blessings and delights of the New Year be yours.

A Rat Year is a time of hard work, activity, and renewal. This is a good year to begin a new job, get married, launch a product or make a fresh start. Ventures begun now may not yield fast returns, but opportunities will come for people who are well prepared and resourceful. The best way for you to succeed is to be patient, let things develop slowly, and make the most of every opening you can find.

Friend

2008-02-02T21:03:00.000-08:00

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

Feeling positive..

2008-01-30T09:29:00.000-08:00

Been kinda down lately for a couple of different reasons but the tide is changing. Somethings are out of my hands, others have been resolved or I'm heading in the right direction to a resolution.

Today, I feel something good will happen. My team at work is finally clicking, work is getting done, and I won't have to fire anyone yet. I also have a very positive feeling about buying a house this year. I consulted with a couple of people last night and things look good. By the time I find a house, make an offer, and close, the market will be ripe for the buyer. Time has been on my side thus far.

Here's to moving into February on a positive note.

Update

2008-01-28T12:20:00.000-08:00

Vegas was fun, wish I had my peeps there.

Moved offices, I am now in the corner office of the building. It's a nice big office but I'm still sharing.

Ok, just got bored typing. I'm done.

Las Vegas to play...

2008-01-18T10:09:00.000-08:00

Going to Vegas next week. Trip is booked, staying at the Bellagio.

Holla!

It's love

2008-01-17T09:22:00.000-08:00

I love tomato soup. I brought some to work and it has warmed me up nicely.

My new addiction...

2008-01-15T12:44:00.000-08:00

The Rubix Triangle. I can solve that bitch fast. My company is have a rubix triangle competition for $50 and I plan to enter.

After I get my solving skills down to 5 minutes, I'm going to work on my dragoncon costume.

Let the good times roll in case God doesn't show!

2008-01-10T08:04:00.000-08:00

NYC, Miami, Vegas. Just a few trips on tap within the next two months. My portfolio now includes some deals in Vegas, one of which is a casino. The deals I've been exposed to lately have been very interesting. In the past I've dealt with some major deals. One of those deals being the largest office building purchase in US history. Seven trophy office buildings in Manhattan valued around $7 Billion. I love the exposure I have to the financial industry and the complexity of the deals. One recent deal I've come across has seen a lot of media exposure. I won't name the property, for legal reasons, but it's located in California and the owner of record is a singer who's nose is about to fall off.

Anyway, other trips on tap for this year. Cape Cod for a wedding, Mumbai in late 2008/early 2009, and some place tropical with beautiful beaches. I may throw a trip to Europe somewhere in the mix, not sure about that one though.

Work, play, work, play......

This Tuesday, I wore pink.

2008-01-08T06:24:00.001-08:00

I am physically exhausted today. I get TV for the first time in months and last night I felt like I had to catch up on all the shows. I even watched reruns of shows that have been off the air for years. So, I will have to make sure I turn off the TV by 9pm and go to bed every night.

Stab stab!

2008-01-03T07:45:00.000-08:00

Today is my managers first day back and it took me no time to realize I'm going to have to do some stabbing this year to get ahead. While he's talking about the Georgia game, I go to my boss's office and request I shadow another manager. This person will get me involved and push me. She's done it in the past and I feel I can use her this year to get ahead. She knows the right people and has a significant amount of influence.

Last year I was all about the party. This year it's all about the mind, body, and soul. I'm movin' up the latter kids, feel free to follow.

Happy New Year.....

2008-01-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

Feeling good, looking great! Looks like this might be a good year. Fingers crossed.

2007....Let's see how far we've come....

2007-12-31T06:10:00.000-08:00

Wow, 2007 is almost over so it's only fitting I do "Ferg's Year in Review" or "State of the Ferg."

Career:
My promotion as a Senior Associate took effect January 1. Traveling increased as I got more involved in deals, which took me to the Silver Medallion Level with Delta (sweet). My trips included: San Diego, Miami, NY, and London. London became an issue this year. The on again, off again relocation became daunting. Finally, negotiations went sour and the whole deal was off. By year end I was promoted to Portfolio Manager. This will allow me to work on the deal itself and not the analytics of it. 2008 will be busy and hopefully profitable.

Atlanta Social:
This year I became more of a social butterfly than I'm typically used to. I got involved with the club scene, PA work, and underwear shows. 2007 saw the rise and fall of my runway career. I offically became runway roadkill this year. Regardless, thank for the memories. But, I have settled in with a great group of people and plan to hang with them going forward. Holla!

Atlanta Personal:
Disasterous! Yeah, there were a few mistakes made this year. We will not mention any of these in 2008. But, I have lived and learned. I saw people for who they are and lost total respect for them. I may not be in the relationship I hoped for but, I'm comfortable with who I am and feel I'm the better person for speaking up (if text messages count) and letting my opinion be heard. The Atlanta scene is one big game; I've been played, been a player, and plan to sharpen my skills, get back in the game, and play it better than anyone else. So, I go into 2008 single but happy.

Family and Friends outside Atlanta:
Spent some time with the family this year. Accompanied my mom to England and had a great time with her. My sister is pregnant with twins and we will see them in 2008. Some of my friends got engaged and married. My cousin got married. Other friends moved to other countries, England and India. All in all, my social life outside of Atlanta is intact and normal.

Overall:
Its been a good year. I've had my crazy moments but those were kept at a minimum. 2008 is gearing up to be busy. I have a few things on tap and hope to achieve a couple goals next year. Travel to a new location is a must, buy a house, and advance futher into my career. Let's see what I can do.

Sorrow

2007-12-24T06:37:00.000-08:00

I know Christmas is supposed to be a very happy time for everyone but it doesn't seem to be the case for a friend of mine. A friend/co-worker has been going through treatment for ovarian cancer. She has really put up a fight but it seems the cancer is winning. Last week the doctors found the cancer had spread to her lungs and is now stage 3.

To add insult to injury, her fiance left her. I guess he couldn't take the pressure so he took back the ring and didn't look back. I feel horrible for her.

What broke my heart was her Christmas card. It was an angel holding a banner that said "Believe." Did I mention she's only 25?

Quote of the day.....

2007-12-20T07:14:00.001-08:00

I've got a dream too, but it is about singing and dancing and making people happy. That's the dream that gets better the more people you share it with, and I found a whole bunch of friends who have the same dream - it makes us kind of like family.

- Kermit the Frog.

Turbulant Waters

2007-12-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

White caps and the boat is rocking.

I can't get through 2007 without one more fight at work. This time it's over the recent promotion. I'm under the impression that I will be asked to do some servicing tasks and data entry. Uh, I don't think so. The MBA in Finance is not to be utilized for data entry. Hence, I scheduled a 2 o'clock. 2008 may start out with my unemployment.

Songs of the day:

O Holy Night - Kelly Clarkson
Paralyzer - Finger Eleven

Update:

Crisis adverted. I will be working with servicing in the sense that I learn their processes and manage their performance.

......pay me more bitches!

Doesn't make sense to me.

2007-12-18T05:45:00.000-08:00

There are a couple phrases that never really made sense to me. "It would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway." And, "It would be like feeding a tic tac to a whale." So, tell me, are you telling me this person has a small one or the recipient has a stretched hole. Both sayings insinuate the same thing. I'm not sure there is a clear message in either phrase. I know what people intend to say with each phrase, I just don't think they realize the meaning isn't very precise.

Where are you Tyler

2007-12-17T06:01:00.000-08:00

Saw you for all of 5 minutes before I made a drunken exodus. Call me biotch!